Pass The "Cluck"

"Barbarian Chicken," as this local specialty is called, is really tasty, if you're lucky enough to have it at a good restaurant, that is.

Since the school cafeteria doesn't qualify as a good restaurant, this particular Barbarian Chicken happens to be really bad. Go figure.


I did eat one piece of it, however, but I gave the second piece to one of the girls I was sitting with. I gave it to her, rather than to HVC, because she asked for it.

She probably didn't think in 100 years I'd actually give up a piece, but I did, to her express delight. Little did she know that passing the "cluck" was an easy choice, since it not only tastes bad, but also does bad things to my arteries.

Unlike the main dish, I actually downed the entire bowl of soup, but like the main dish, the soup didn't taste very good.

I found the salad entirely unappealing, so I gave that away, to HVC.

About the only other "news" to report is that I finally asked the Lunch Lady (at a student's urging) if she could get me a different flavor of that yogurt drink. Grape yogurt just doesn't do it for me. Hopefully, starting really soon, I'll get to drink strawberry or blueberry yogurt.

That would be awesome!

Total points: 4

Left-Handed Fish

Once again, I was a bit surprised by what we were served.

I knew we were going to get some kind of fish, but I expected it to be fried, rather than broiled.

In other words, I was pleasantly surprised.


This particular salmon wasn't nearly as tasty as the salmon I had this weekend at a sushi place (Trust me -- that would be nearly impossible to beat!), but, since salmon is my favorite fish, I was a happy camper.

The soup was pretty good, too. After all, it was warm, which was nice on this (fairly) cold day, and it didn't contain any "scary" bits.

The salad was just average, but I did eat it all, except for the few pieces of ham that were tossed in with it. As you can guess, I gave those to HVC.

As you can see by looking at the picture, I even had some rice. Don't ask me why, though, since I really don't have an answer for that.

The other nice thing about today's meal was that I ate every last bit of it left-handed. I still haven't mastered the art of using chopsticks left-handed, so I did have some trouble, but I didn't give up, even when I struggled with the fish, for example.

When I finally finished, I put down my chopsticks and let out a proud, "出来た." (I did it.)

Surprisingly, especially considering I was really hungry before I started to eat this meal, I didn't go back for seconds. I am pretty sure I had room for more, but I decided I had had enough.

Total points: 6

Oden? Oh, Dear!

There's almost nothing to say about this meal, besides the fact that it wasn't a meal.

When I looked at the menu and saw that we were having おでん (oden), all I could think to myself was, "Oden? Oh, dear."

I don't see the point of oden.


Oden is just a bunch of boiled food that looks unpleasant, smells unpleasant, and tastes unpleasant.

At least you don't see the oden floating in deep vats of grease as you do at many convenience stores.

Right after I took this picture, I gave all my food, except for the rice, to the HVC. I actually gave him the heads-up about that while we were waiting in line.

Yeah, so my meal consisted of a bowl of rice. Exciting, huh?

The rice is the only reason this meal wasn't a zero.

Hungry Menu, where are you?

Total points: 1

(Note: Had I actually noticed the bits of chicken that were apparently mixed in with my bowl of oden, I probably would have eaten them, which would have added one point to the total.)

I'm Going To Get Chicken (鶏肉を撮りに行く)

I knew that we were having chicken today, but what I didn't notice was that we were having chicken of the deep-fried variety.

I probably should have passed, since the cholesterol certainly won't be doing my arteries any good, but I don't like to skip lunch.


Because I have cut down a lot on this kind of food over the past year and a half or so, however, I allowed myself to, um, err, indulge.

The chicken was rather tasty, I have to admit, but I really would have preferred pan-fried chicken.

Since I went to the cafeteria early, I was able to snag some sesame dressing for my shredded cabbage, too, so I got to enjoy that part of my meal as well.

Even the salad was pretty good, despite the cucumber which we just can't escape from. I think it was the bits of squid that gave the salad some zing.

I actually finished my soup, too, but, even though it wasn't all that bad, it was probably the worst part of the meal.

Yeah, so, amazingly, I ate all of my food today. Can you believe it?

Since this blog is slowly becoming a story that is half about the food and half about HVC, I just have to include yet another picture of HVC's incredible food adventures.

This time he downed a whopping 10(!) servings of salad.

Holy cow!

Good thing I got that on film, too, or you never would have believed me.

Total points: 6

Three-Year-Old Rice

The first thing I thought when I saw the main dish today was, "How nice! Puke in a bowl."

Seriously, this is right up there with my least favorite school lunches.

The soup was nearly as off-putting, so I passed on that, too.

Once I rid myself of the unpleasantries, I was left with only a bowl of rice and a slice of orange on my tray.

The good thing is, this rice wasn't ordinary, boring, tasteless, white rice, but rather fairly tasty "山菜" rice, or "mountain vegetable" rice. (I call it "Three-Year-Old Rice," however, since "山菜" is pronounced just like "三歳," which means "three years old.")

I thought I was even going to get seconds of the rice, but, since I piled it up fairly high the first time around (but not nearly as high as many kids do!), I ended up pretty satiated.

The piece of fruit was a bit of a surprise, too, since it wasn't the orange that I thought it was, at least upon first glance. The longer I stared at my dessert while I at my rice, the more I realized it looked more like a cross between a grapefruit and an orange.

That realization hit home when I bit into it and discovered it was half-sweet and half-bitter.

I'm still not positive what it was.

One teacher suggested it was a ponkan, but I've read that those are very sweet. I'm guessing this one must have been a hyuganatsu, but I'm not really sure.

I guess for now it will remain a "mystery fruit."

Total points: 6

Hungry Meal -- Ask For More

For some reason, when I saw the two fish on my plate, the first thing I thought was, "What's up with that? We usually get three." When I asked some kids if two fish was the norm, however, they told me that indeed it was.

I guess my mind is playing games on me.


Anyway, since what I call "rice soup" is rather difficult to eat with chopsticks, I came prepared this time.

That's what that green spoon, a biodegradable one I picked up last year in Okinawa at a place called "Yogurtland," is doing on my tray. Nice advance planning, eh?

Just before digging in, I gave away the umeboshi and pickled veggies and then dumped the two fish into my "soup." As boring as the soup is, even with the added fish, it does not taste bad at all.

What's more, the strawberries were a great way to finish off the meal, and there were plenty to go around. I could have gotten seconds, but I stuck to the five on my plate.

As I've said before on this blog, I'm actually a big fan of the Hungry Meal.

I've also said before that it makes no sense that we are allowed to get seconds whenever the Hungry Meal is served (just look at that line!), which I did today, since the purpose of this meal is to make us thankful that we have any food at all on our plates.

When I told HVC how I felt about seconds being served today, he had an entirely different take on the matter. Frankly, his response was one you would expect of him:

"I show my thanks for the delicious food by asking for more."

Way to go, HVC.

Total points: 6

It's Called Soup, Not Stew, Yo!

I think the school cafeteria might be the only place where I've ever eaten pumpkin "stew."

Since I am a big fan of pumpkin, I was glad to eat this concoction, and I even got seconds. Nevertheless, I'm for a bit more substance and a bit less sauce.


I guess the real problem was not so much the sauce, however, but the fact that we were missing a nice, big chunk of bread to go with it.

The salad, with all those beans in it, was screaming at me to give it away, so I did. ("It's all yours, HVC!")

The fruit salad was a good idea, but a poorly executed one. For one, the fruit was from a can, which certainly takes the flavor down a few notches. For two, "zeri" (those white cubes) is not a fruit, which is also worth a few minus points.

Overall, this meal was definitely a disappointment. What else is new, though, right?

Total points: 4

Happy Fish Balls And Happy HVC

This meal was a disaster.

Just look at the slop of a main dish that we were served. Did the Lunch Lady really expect me to eat that? I did consume some of the bits of tofu, but that's all.

The salad wasn't much better, but the abundance of tuna fish made it palatable.

As for the soup, well, those fish balls were the only part of it that I ate, and even those were not as good as they usually are.

The story of the day, though, was HVC. He went to town today, big time. He seriously went off. I was absolutely flabbergasted by the amount of food he ate.

For once, I even doubted that he would take my food (the main dish and the salad) when I approached him, since by then there were already five(!) other bowls of slop and five(!) other salads sitting in front of him, not to mention all the soup and the rice. No need to worry though; he took my offerings without blinking an eye.

I swear, today I think he set a new record for amount of food eaten at lunch.

The unofficial totals: 6 bowls of soup, 6 salads, 5 bowls of slop (another student ate one of the servings pictured, since HVC was running out of time to finish his food), and at least 1 bowl of rice.

HVC is "El Hombre!"

Total points: 1

Sukiyucky

This was yet another bad meal.

For starters, I didn't mess with either of the sides and simply gave them to my favorite tag-team partner.

Since I provide HVC with so much food, I should probably come up with a three-letter nickname for myself.

Maybe I should go with HCB, or the "Human Conveyor Belt," or perhaps I should call myself HCP, or the "Human Care Package."

I guess I will have to work on that.

Anyway, all that was left was the main course, which was the Lunch Lady's version of sukiyaki.

Take a good look at it and you'll see right away why I call it sukiyucky.

I did eat it, but my stomach probably regrets that decision.

Total points: 3

(Dead) Fish On A Plate

All I could say after I sat down to eat this meal was, "There's a dead fish on my plate."

In other words, the Lunch Lady gets a big, fat zero for presentation points.

The fish wasn't even easy to eat, because of the bones.


Also, once I managed to take the fish apart, if you will, there wasn't much left to eat.

Before I even started on the fish, though, I gave away the ball of daikon that came with it (to a girl at my table).

Guess what I did with that salad?

That's right, I gave it to HVC.

HVC got my soup, too, but only after I picked out the few bits of meat that were in there.

This meal, as you can see, was pretty much a disaster before it even hit the table.

Total points: 2

Three Fried Fish - See How They Swim

Naturally, after all of the excitement that went along with having steak yesterday, a major letdown was in store for us today.

That letdown came primarily in the form of three fried fish.

As soon as I saw them, I knew I wasn't going to eat much of this meal.


You probably knew that, too, since you know I'm trying to stay away from fried food.

I did eat one of the fish, because I was hungry, but I gave the other two away. (I also ate the side of cabbage, even though I had to douse it with a "sauce to be named later.")

I gave away the "Popeye" salad, too, mostly because I couldn't stomach the spinach.

All that was left then was the soup, which was OK.

Unfortunately for me, my particular bowl of soup came with only three meatballs (the best part of the soup!), whereas some of my brethren had as many as seven in theirs!

Too bad for me.

Total points: 3

Pass The Potatoes!

Steak! Yum! Hooray!

Sorry if I can't exactly control my excitement, but by now you know how pathetic the food around here usually is.

Since we only get served steak about two or three times a year, I definitely savored this meal.



As you can see, I even took rice, and, unlike most of the kids, I didn't put mine on a plate, but rather, as is normal, in a bowl. (How's that for use of commas, yo!?)

Of course, this is the "before" picture, since I didn't eat the steak raw (although eating raw steak wouldn't be a far stretch in this country!). If you want to see an "after" picture, I refer you to the last time we had steak, back in June.

Too bad the side dishes weren't of the same caliber as the main course.

The daikon-cucumber-apple(?) salad tasted better than it looked and the soup (minus the bits of ham) was okay, but what we should have had instead of those two sides was something closer to mashed potatoes and roasted broccoli.

How awesome would that have been!?

Oh, and one last thing: That dessert from yesterday would have gone really well with this meal.

Total points: 7

February 13 -- The New Valentine's Day

Today we had yet another family meal. Can you tell? I bet you can!

Your (usual) clues: Milk instead of my yogurt drink; a straw for the milk; a plate for my bread; and a fork instead of just a spoon.

The reason for those "mistakes?"


Whenever we have a family meal, my "sons" get my food for me.

As for the food, well, as always I dipped my bread into the "soup" of the main dish, so that I could give it some flavor. (Once in a while, when we are served bread, it actually comes with a spread, but more often than not it doesn't.)

After I finished my bread, I scooped out the bits of meat (pork?), potatoes, and carrot from the main dish, because they seemed pretty edible, and then gave away the rest.

I did eat my salad, and, thanks to the cheese, but no thanks to the cucumber, I actually enjoyed it. Oh, and you probably already know that I gave away the two pieces of ham that were in there.

(My family's "father," Mr. S., proudly pointed out that his salad had no bits of ham in it, although that was pure coincidence, so I told him that I usually try to grab salads that are ham-free. His funny response: "You need to do a better job of that.")

Anyway, all that was left was the dessert, which was, according to the menu, "chocolate pudding."

Indeed, it was made of chocolate, but I wouldn't exactly call it pudding. It was more like, "chocolate surprise."

Since I noticed that some of the kids actually had a strawberry "pudding," and since I was in no mood to be surprised, I traded my chocolate version in for the strawberry. (Luckily, I noticed that there were some leftovers, so I was able to pull the switch.)

Good move. The dessert went from probably not being very good to being very good indeed!

Although the meal overall was pretty much a disaster, the dessert saved the day.

The only thing about that was, it came one day early.

Lunch Lady: Valentine's Day (not St. Valentine's Day, as they love to call it here in Japan) is on February 14, not February 13.

Got it?

Total points: 4

A Sweet Treat -- How Neat!

Jack Nicholson would have been proud to have had lunch with us today, because this meal was about as good it gets.

For starters, well, curry is simply the best. I didn't get seconds this time around, but I easily could have, had I not been watching how much I eat.

The salad was also quite tasty, primarily because it was packed with tuna. I would have liked a slightly bigger portion, but quality is usually more important than quantity.

Finally, we also had dessert, this time in the form of an orange.

Since the most common type of orange you get around here seems to be mandarin oranges, this big sucker (I believe it was a tangelo) was truly a treat, and boy was it sweet!

I prefer cake or ice cream to fruit, but fruit is obviously the smarter choice, so I gotta give the Lunch Lady the thumbs up this time.

Great meal.

Did I really just say that?

Total points: 9

(Note: Perhaps I should have taken one point off for the kitchen staff putting out forks for the salads, which is a complete waste, but since I didn't take one, I'm going to ignore that fact. I just wish more kids would pass on the forks (on purpose), as well.)

Singing Nut Chicken

The first thing we usually grab when we go to get our food is the salad.

When I saw that today's salad was full of cucumbers, I also noticed the Lunch Lady was just ahead of me in line, so I asked her why we have cucumbers in our salad every day.


She just smiled.

Ugh.

I sometimes ask the kids I'm sitting with at lunch why they think we have cucumbers almost every day. The most common answer I get is, "They're cheap."

One kid who agreed with me that cucumbers are overrated told me that, according to a study, cucumbers are the vegetable with the least amount of nutrients. Hmmm... I wonder.

I did eat the salad, but as you guessed, I wasn't that pleased with it.

I also ate my soup, but I made it a point to tell the kids who were sitting with me that the soup had absolutely zero flavor.

The main course (cashew nut chicken) was OK, but not as good as it would have been had it not been so greasy and had the portion not been so tiny. That's why I tried to lighten and fluff it up with the rice. Also, in contrast to what you are served in a Chinese restaurant, there were far more cashews than chicken.

At least this meal provides me with a good running joke.

You see, "cashew" in English sounds a lot like both "cashew (nut)" and "singer" in Japanese, so whenever we have this meal, I ask some of the kids, "How do you say 'singer' in Japanese?" and, as soon as they answer, I show them a cashew (nut).

That gets them every time!

Total points: 5

Super-Sized Salmon

According to the menu, we were having fried fish today.

What the menu didn't say was that the fish was salmon, my favorite, so that was a pleasant surprise.

I do wish the salmon hadn't been deep-fried, but you can't win them all.


At least the food staff tried to spice up the meal a bit by coating the batter with sesame seeds, which certainly helped.

Check out how big that piece is, too. I guess the cooks must have been in a good mood today, because they certainly weren't skimping on the food.

Or were they?

Take a look at the soup, for instance. Can you say: "Thin"?

Then again, we were served a pretty sizable portion of "macaroni salad" (which, of course, included cucumber), which makes me wonder if the watery soup was perhaps an aberration.

The other great thing about this meal is that I got to the cafeteria early enough to get some of my favorite (toasted sesame) dressing without having to ask for it!

Hooray for that!

Total points: 6

Chinese (Please) Take (It) Away

This was yet another disappointing meal.

I think the only thing that was nice about this one was that it didn't come with a cucumber salad. It's amazing that the Lunch Lady didn't toss some of the green stuff onto the plate of "college potatoes," just to piss me off.


She wouldn't really have had to do that, though, because the potatoes themselves were bad enough. I usually give them to someone right away, but this time I decided to eat one. Next time I'll pass, especially if we get these again in the winter. The piece I had was practically cold as ice, which is not a good thing when you're freezing.

The soup, however, was hot, so I actually enjoyed eating/drinking that.

There was no way I was going to touch the main course ("Chinese Surprise), however, so I gave that to you know who.

Soup plus one measly potato is not exactly my idea of lunch. Maybe this one should have been reserved for college dropouts.

Total points: 2

Salad Says: "Don't Eat Me!"

This is one of the scariest meals that we are ever served. The only two things that saved this one from being a total disaster were:

1) The cubes of salmon in the soup; and

2) The few decent-sized chunks of potato in my bowl of, err, um, slop.

Aside from those two bits of food, I passed on the soup and the main dish.

I did eat my entire serving of salad, but I was this close to giving that away, too. It's not that the salad tasted terrible, but rather that it was so darn bland. It's like the salad was screming, "Don't eat me!"

I probably should have listened.

Amazingly, however, HVC was at it again.

He'll eat anything.

I usually explain to others that he can eat so much because he has no "off" switch, but today I joked that he always on auto-pilot.

Take a look at the picture of all that food in front of him and you'll see what I mean. (Oh, and by the way, if you look really carefully, you should be able to see that there's another salad bowl underneath the black bowl. C-r-a-z-y!)

HVC really did eat all that food, too, honest.

I'll never understand how he manages to get all that food down.

Total points: 2

Strawberry Curry Substitute

This was actually one of the better meals we've had lately.

Granted, today was Friday and we didn't have curry, but this was as good a substitute as any, and, since I definitely prefer bread to rice, this meal had an immediate advantage over the standard fare.

The salad was the oddest part of this meal, because I couldn't figure out if it was a fruit salad or not. I mean, the menu clearly said we were going to have "fruit salad," but that's obviously not what we were served, unless you call including a few bits of fruit in a cucumber salad "fruit salad."

The Lunch Lady is what's fruity, not my salad.

As for the main course, which was basically vegetable cream soup, well, I could certainly have done without the cream, but the dish did go well with the bread, and the vegetables that were in it really were vegetables. Overall, I was pretty happy with that part of the meal.

The dessert (strawberry mousse) was a bit of a letdown, perhaps because it wasn't creamy enough for my taste, but I definitely liked it and I actually managed to snag seconds (the last one!).

I just wish every meal came with a dessert.

Total points: 7

Yes, Fish Have Balls

Today's meal, as per usual, was really nothing special.

Check out the salad, for instance. Notice the cucumber? Yeah, me too! Well, luckily there was some tuna in there, too, which made it much more palatable. Seriously, though, I'm really getting sick of cucumber.

Next up, we have the soup, which was miso-based (yuck!) yet again. The only part of the soup that I touched was the fish balls (I bet you didn't know that fish had balls!), which you can barely see in the picture.

Finally, we have the main course, which was "ginger pork." The pork itself was pretty good, but what's with the side of veggies? Just look at them. The cabbage was overcooked and the carrots were bland. No surprise there, eh?

In case you're wondering what the rice was doing on my tray, well, I took that to go with the pork. The rice didn't help much, however.

Go figure.

Total points: 5

Take A Chance On Me

I tend to stay away from this spicy tofu concoction, but alas, unlike the last time we had this meal, there was no sporting event planned for the afternoon that excluded me from eating it.

Nevertheless, I still consider the meal pretty darn scary, which is why I have the rice.


I figure, as long as I dampen the "hot" effect using the rice, my stomach should be good to go.

Somehow, that trick seems to have worked, too. (I'll leave it at that.)

As for the salad, well, I wasn't about to eat that, since it had both spinach and ham in it, neither of which I can say I enjoy eating.

I did eat/drink my soup, however, but it was nothing to write a blog about.

In other words, I did open my mouth and let the soup in, but I don't remember tasting anything at all.

Total points: 4